There is a tractor implement called the Do-All. It has multiple moving parts, and it functions in a somewhat peculiar way. The purpose of the Do-All is to finish the topsoil in final preparation for planting.
We could get real technical and talk about the rotating basket and the vibrating chisels, but I am only a novice user and have no full fledged expertise to share on using that tractor implement. Instead, I would like to talk more about the Do-All as a metaphor for living.
David Goggins once said, you can’t always be balanced. If you want to be the greatest at something you have to live unbalanced for awhile. Right now, I am living in an unbalanced space in my life. I am going in a bunch of directions at once, and it is exhausting, but right now I am not seeking balance; I’m seeking break though.
There are several times in my past when I felt like I had opportunity to achieve great things. I worked hard and built momentum, and things started to come together, but then it all fell apart. It can feel like the circus trick of spinning plates on sticks while doing all this work at once. Unfortunately, every past time of this type of working buildup has resulted in a collapse of all the projects and prospects. After several times going though this cycle of frenetic buildup and total collapse, I think I have figured out the factor that comes into play right before the big break though. It’s hubris.
How does this relate to the tractor Do-All implement? The Do-All is a very frenetic contraption that is best used at high speeds. Running it is made loud by the revved engine, and the vibrating tangs and spinning baskets. There is lots of dirt flying, and it’s operated faster than any other implement I’ve used on a planting field. It is a great metaphor for how my life feels right now.
I’m writing this blog, attending school full time, volunteering with For the Love and Spring Creek Food Hub, starting my own farm delivery business, and selling my art at the Rogers Farmer’s market. In addition, I’m spending quality time with my family, making art, maintaining a spiritual practice and trying to stay fit. It’s a lot, and I am not complaining; I’m saying it is a crescendo leading to one of two paths. It will either break through to an amazing success, or it will all crash down like the spinning plates of a failed circus act.
The thing that I have learned from the many times I’ve been here before, and the lesson I am trying to embody this time, is that there is a build up of hubris that occurs when I start to do this many projects simultaneously. It is a buildup of pride that grows out of the feelings of quick successive accomplishment that start exponentially stacking up. “Look at this thing I did, and look at this thing I did.” That is a change in my mindset that happens somewhere in the middle of this chaotic time of doing.
The antidote is humility and servant mindset. “I am here to help, and it is only through service that my purpose is fulfilled.” In the past, many of my times of increased Do-All activity came with authority and position. I was in positions of leadership and legitimate power, and so my work stoked my self-aggrandizing thoughts. I lost the thread of humility and replaced it with entitlement. That’s ultimately what I mean when I say hubris, I’m saying I become overrun with feelings of entitlement. I work hard, I earn position and authority, then I start to feel like I am entitled to something superior to those around me; then it all collapses.
So this time, I’m trying a new tactic. I’m working hard. I’m building things that are service oriented. I’m staying connected to my purpose (feed people) and the front lines of impact. And mostly, I’m reminding myself that I love the process. I work hard and stay busy because I like working hard and staying busy. I like doing things. I like helping others. I don’t honestly know where all this is going to go, but for now I am just focused on keeping all these plates spinning.
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